Category: Everyday life

Retiring

Once we learned the 3Rs, acquired the necessary qualification and skills, we were off and running in the Career Race. Along the way, we picked more know-how to do our work, learned how to be a good team player, honed our managerial and leadership skills as our hands reached for successive rungs on the Career Ladder.

Eventually, this Career Race comes to an end. There is no more alarm clock. No more urgent emails from higher ups. No more meetings that I must attend, only those that I choose to.

We now face a blank slate. We spend time with family. We dust off our hobbies. We pick up new interests. We travel (extensively). We volunteer. We renew or build new friendships outside the workplace. We selectively maintain the workplace friendships.

And yet, consider when someone asks, “How is retirement coming along?”, we pause for a bit before we respond. And after detailing how we fill our days, we miss that ‘punchiness’ that we had during our Career Race when asked, “What do we do?” A punchiness that dripped with aspiration, excitement, anticipation, hope, etc.

Here is a provocative thought. What-if we approach retiring as a project to dis-assemble our Career Self? What does this even mean?

Firstly, it means a hard look because the Career Self may have prioritized relationships that propelled its career. A hard re-assessment of the important relationships that were neglected and did not receive adequate Tender Loving Care. To bind any wounds, to learn how to ask for and give forgiveness. And a commitment to the time and effort that is essential for healthy and intimate relationships. There is no free lunch for intimate relationships.

Secondly, it means another hard look at what one needs to discard. Transferring wholesale all the attributes, mindsets, interpersonal strategies, etc. that were important for Career Race success into Retirement is a sure recipe for being mis-understood.

Taking this second point to the ultimate, this is discarding the “False Self”, which is a self-fabrication, with multiple masks. The False Self is an illusion, which one discovers quickly when one has a terminal medical prognosis. A corollary to discarding the False Self is discovering our True Self. This is the deepest essence of you, and it requires significant inner work. But this is truly the punchline in Retirement!

I am not writing much about the False Self, True Self as there are many good resources on this. Suffice to say, some of the material which is more spiritually oriented comes from the famous Trappist Monk, Thomas Merton.

And the third and final point, is discovering My Purpose after work. How wonderful to be able to respond to “How is retirement coming along?” with heartfelt responses from your True Self that knows its Purpose.

Hopefully, these thoughts help if you are still in your Career Race, as it’s wise to ponder on these before the Career Race comes to an end!

Being Child-like on Purpose

There is a phrase, the ‘second childhood’, that sometimes occur during adulthood. This is when an adult acts like a child, either for fun or due to diminished faculties. I exclude those falling in love in their mature years, when eros embers are re-kindled and burns brightly.

Kids love to step into puddles of water. Adults avoid that, as they know the mess and clean up involved. As adults, the instinct to weigh the pros and cons of every decision has become ingrained. This technique has a technical name, called “decisional balance.” As adults gradually transition child-like joy experiences out of their daily life, they replace it with adult-pleasure experiences. And sometimes, the latter comes with some un-wanted baggage: image and self-centeredness.

It was snowing heavily on Feb 2, 2025 (a rare occurrence here in Washington State). I decided to take a walk. And as the snow flakes got larger, I just felt the urge to open my mouth. I found that one had to ‘intentionally go’ for the snowflake (like catching peanuts thrown in the air) as the flakes were not falling into the open mouth (perhaps mini currents of warm air were emanating from the open mouth?).

There were a handful of people in the neighborhood park that is by the lake. And the ducks swimming towards me created a nice ripple pattern. Simple joys experienced and recorded into my memory.

Post Valentine’s Day

Feb 15, 2025

It has been a long while since my last post. I was reminded about [the existence of] my blog by an email offering to provide advertising services to promote my blog! A serendipitous prompt this morning.

Joon suggested buying beef from Costco and having a home cooked meal for Valentine’s Day dinner. We bought beef from Costco in the late morning. It cost us $53.08. For 1.77 lbs of prime tenderloin Wagyu beef. Or 28.32 oz. The three pieces were similar in size. Each piece/cut would then have weighed an average 9.44 oz and cost us $17.69. Besides being one of the most flavorful steak meals we had for some years, we had that inner satisfaction of money well spent. Celebrating Valentine’s Day dinner without the heartache of a depleted wallet!

Now, why did I write the preceding paragraph that way? I was moved to practice what I am in the midst of reading. A book titled, “Exercises in Style” by Raymond Queneau. This book essentially depicts 99 ways of narrating a tale in different styles. The paragraph I wrote was the “Precision” style, with lots of hard facts.

This book was targeted at writers, so that they can write about a scene/tale in many ways!

Another author was moved to create 99 comic strips for the same underlying tale. I enjoyed this a whole lot, and flag-posted my favorites. Favorites in the sense that I am hoping that my perceptual senses will be broadened so that I do not rush to judgment when I come across a situation visually!

I would NOT recommend purchasing “Exercises in Style” at all. There were not a few pages that I felt were too contrived or too technical for an avid reader like myself. “99 ways to tell a story” is one that is my personal bookcase.

So, how can these two books impact my life going forward? Can I picture 99 ways to get out of bed, wash up and dress for the day? Will some ways better impact how my day unfolds? Hmm…..

And since it is about post Valentine’s Day, how about challenging myself to express my love to Joon in 99 ways? This idea brings a smile. How sweet life can be.

Seahawks vs Broncos

Seahawks traded their QB Russell Wilson to the Broncos in the preseason. NFL capitalized on this by scheduling the first season game for the Hawks and the Broncos to be against each other at Seattle. The only NFL game this first Monday night 9/12. I do not know the size of the online viewership but I am positive the advertisers were over the moon.

This isn’t a post about the game. It’s about all the break up, the emotions that surfaced, what being a fan means. Let’s start with the last point.

Being called a “fair weather” fan is an insult, that one doesn’t stick with one’s sports team through thick or thin. The 12’s (i.e. Seahawks fans) are well known for generating a noise level in the stadium that reached 98 decibels! This disrupts the opposing team as evidenced by the number of false starts by the Broncos! Great work 12’s!

But is jeering and boo-ing Russ really desirable fan behavior to be emulated? Holding up signs that mock him? I wonder whether in doing such, we un-chain that beast within that seeks to ‘slap’ others. More charitably, perhaps it’s a cathartic release of jilted loyalties. However, such loyalties may be fragile if they are based on the player winning (i.e. “performing”) for them. In other words, the relationship is based on what the player does, not who the player is.

Post hand comments by ex-team mates do reveal the reality of friendship or not, that existed. Some snide comments reveal the envy that was so carefully hidden when they were playing together. The real friends, the loyal friends, who battled him on the field last night had kinder words, perhaps by saying nothing. Football is a business, and sometimes friends have to compete against each other in this business.

What relevant insights are there for Life?

(1) Some who play on your side will only be too willing to turn on you when you part ways.

(2) Some “feel good” actions can burnish the “badness of being.” This is a slippery slope.

(3) It’s tempting to exchange blow for blow, and thus, quickly sink to the other’s level. Do I really want that?

(4) Are any of my current relationships based more on what the other does?

As with anything in Life, it all flows from one to another. Any partition we attempt to put up never fully contains our actions, our emotions, our various personas.

Learning from frogs in a pot of water that goes from lukewarm to boiling

We all know about the frog that is comfortable when placed in a pot of lukewarm water. And when the fire on the pot is slowly adjusted higher, the frog stays in the pot. Until it’s too late.

There’s a biological reason for this. The frog is a cold blooded creature. Thus, its body can regulate its internal temperature to the surroundings. Thus, as the water in the pot gets hotter, the frog is able to tolerate this. Again, until it’s too late.

Shouldn’t we regard this positively, as a sign of adaptability and resiliency? After all, if the water did not reach a boiling temperate that endangers life, the frog could be taken out of the pot, and it will go on living.

What’s that line between adaptability/resiliency and life threatening for the frog?

Aren’t we humans also susceptible to adapting ‘too much’ to an environment (culture, ideology, etc.), believing that we have the resiliency to bounce back to life if there’s a clear and present danger? But aren’t the dangers that are most pernicious and difficult to escape, those that have long fuses?

So, what’s that line that will help us humans assess if said environment is a question of adaptability/resilience or [ultimately] life threatening?

Here’s a possible answer. It’s our unique ability to project and anticipate. Humans are good at brainstorming various possible outcomes, and through human experience, weigh the probable outcomes. If we fail to exercise this intelligence, then, we probably become part of the Darwinian outcome.

By the way, isn’t it interesting that the history of past empires (and societies) tell us that it’s difficult to detect this slow boil is because we are benefiting from said environment! The sharpness of our intelligence (morality, spirituality, etc.) gets dulled by the pleasures and benefits of that long fuse.

Coping

It has been a tumultuous 2020, with several more weeks to go. The news here in USA from the Covid-19 battle front are grim, with all time highs in various measures, be they daily infections, daily deaths, total hospitalizations and total infections. Within our own households, we have our own unique circumstances and challenges. Much has been communicated about the anticipated dangers in the winter months ahead. We are fatigued. How can we continue to cope?

How did generations before us cope during the multi-year world wars? There was “hope” that people clung to. Hope that appeared time and again. Man is a persistent species. In this pandemic period, the vaccine beckons as hope, that immunization will allow (adapted) life to continue. It matters not if others do not vaccinate, what matters is our own decision.

How should we then wait before mass vaccinations? Perhaps the first step is to examine the label we are now using, namely, “coping.” This label implies we are in a situation where there’s an externality that has disrupted our usual patterns, our lives. And we yearn for said externality to no longer pose a threat, to go away, so that we can resume our usual patterns and lives.

So, is there a better label than “coping?” What about “metamorphosizing”? Can this curtailed period be one in which like the caterpillar, we become convicted of what matters in life, and resolved to carve more time, more energy, more resources for it, post-curtailment? So that life after vaccination is one that no longer mirrors pre-pandemic life?

But what if this externality (i.e. pandemic) has a silver lining that we have overlooked? While the disruptions had real adverse impacts on our lives, many have gained precious time that was wasted in rush hour commutes, in mindless window-shopping excursions, etc. Time was given back to us. But if our mindset, our expectations is to cope, and we are anxious to resume our usual patterns and lives, then, this time given was likely squandered. A quick self-test is whether one can fill more than a few pages to share with grandchildren in the future how such time yielded un-planned blooms in one’s life.

Perhaps this quote from Bruce Lee, the famous martial artist actor can help with that inner metamorphosis:

“Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way around or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend.”

I recognize some are struggling mightily with the pandemic-related impositions and adversities. That there are severe psychological, emotional and mental struggles. Hopefully, they have loved ones who are supporting them. If nothing else, this pandemic has revealed that without love, one has nothing, one has gained nothing (1 Cor 13:2-3). And with that insight, if all we can do post-pandemic is to sow abundant love, we have lived a rich life indeed.

Perseverance

The online dictionary indicated that perseverance means “persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”

We all have built up varying capabilities of perseverance through life experiences. Perhaps perseverance capabilities differ depending on the activity, task or objective in mind. My wife reminds me that a man will never understand the pain threshold that needs to be borne during child birth. I will grant and tip my hat to all mothers. Especially my mother!

Rather than starting from a person’s perspective, I wanted to start from an animal’s perspective. What can an animal teach us about perseverance?

This story begins with the bird feeder that we hung on our back fence since last winter. It turned out to be a hit as all species of birds dropped by to feed. Everything went well until September this year. One squirrel appeared, and it was the vanguard, as another two appeared later.

There are legendary videos on Youtube on obstacle courses that have been designed to outwit and outplay squirrels (use search term, ‘squirrel obstacle course’). It’s delightful to see how these squirrels are initially stumped, falling off said obstacles, and then, figuring out how to overcome and get at the tasty treats. Perseverance in action!

Well, my backyard squirrels were showing me their perseverance, and in turn, caused me to ‘up’ my own perseverance (and determination). After all, how can I “lose” to this animal? No matter how cuddly it may look. By golly, I am not going to let my bird seed be hijacked by these squirrels.

Firstly, I observed how they got to my bird feeder. They were dropping onto the roof of the bird feeder, and then, lowering themselves onto the feeder trough. Hmm…why don’t I extend the roof with cut off plastic sheets so that the overhang edges of said plastic sheets will not allow them to lower themselves? Oops…they got through the gaps between the two sheets. Ok, let me tape it up. Oops…they bit through the tape.

Alright, let me check what they have on Amazon.com Ah…a dome-shaped squirrel baffle. That should work. And it did for a couple of days. It was fun while it lasted as we say a squirrel fall about three times as every time it tried to reach below the dome onto the bird feeder, the baffle tilted under its weight and it dropped to the ground.

Until one of these pesky squirrels figured out how to reach the bird feeder roof via the pole/hook that the baffle/bird feeder was hung on. Ok, let me grease the pole/hook. That worked again for a couple of days. The squirrel was persistent, as eventually the grease wore off, and they were able to grip the pole, and got onto the bird feeder roof.

OK. My final attempt this time round, is to hang the squirrel baffle lower down, so that it’s not near the pole/hook and thus, the squirrel cannot swing from latter onto the bird feeder roof. Let’s see how this goes as the squirrel scorecard is something like 5-0. This is probably an understatement too, to salve some ego!

So, what did I learn about perseverance? Being tested (and bested) by an animal does wonders for one’s perseverance. This personal challenge, when taken in the right spirit, does wonders. It inculcates respect for the other opponent. It pushes one to think outside the box, and literally, anticipate the moves of the other. Perseverance brings along other pleasant companions when approached with the right attitude.

Postscript: The picture shows plastic sheets nailed to the fence post and top of fence. This is to deter them from having a foothold near the baffle/bird feeder. The nuclear option is to purchase another baffle and have a double layer baffle to outwit the squirrels!

6 weeks later (Dec 27)

After the original post in mid Nov, there were probably 8-10 adjustments I had to make in terms of the set up. From lengthening (twice) the pole, taping cardboard/plastic sheets, etc. Finally, I decided to acquire a second baffle, to make it a double layer. This seems to have done the trick for the past week!

F a l l

A friend told me that her favorite season was fall. I intuitively understand why winter sports fans would opt for their season. Likewise, the horticulturally inclined will prefer spring. And then, the majority would opt for summer, given the longer days and warmer weather that facilitates outdoor parties/picnics, BBQ get-togethers, sports, outdoor recreation, etc. So, the fall response was un-usual.

But as we started walking daily this summer, typically for an hour, the walks in early fall have been serene and colorful. The air is much brisker, and reinvigorates the body. There’s also a stillness in the air, as the summer noise has dissipated.

The falling leaves that clutter our backyard lawn does send a powerful reminder of the changing over. The need to periodically rake these leaves is off-set by the lengthening frequency required to mow the lawns. Various preparation activities are needed, so that ‘things’ are prepared to weather the winter, be it fertilizing the lawn, prepping fruit trees from diseases, etc.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
 a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
 a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

As I glance at the above verses, some call to me more than others. Definitely, as we near the end of the calendar year, there is a reflection of what must be put to death (“time to die”). The Covid-19 pandemic wrote quite a list for us given the restrictions and shut downs that have resulted. The vast majority on the list are actually beneficial as they were a short term gratification of senses. Thus, we have no regrets that we were unable to use our unlimited movie pass. For those activities that fall on the other side of the ledger, like the inability to socialize or hug others, there are creative alternatives that force us to be more expressive when we have the opportunity. It doesn’t totally make up, but as they say, the wait intensifies the hunger and greater will be the satisfaction.

But the interesting equation of that phrase is a “time to be born.” What should be born as we enter into a season of preparation, a season when most of nature and the animal kingdom slow down? How should we think about this? The breadth of possibilities is endless, and perhaps a guiding light might be, how would one’s joy or peace (or whatever quality is your priority) be enhanced in the new year through the birth of something new.

In that regard, for us personally, it has to be our closest circle of relationships. For after all, who will visit us when we are in need? Who will share a shoulder when we are in need? And thus, shedding any hurts or grudges (“time to die”) is a necessary step to renewing any strained relationships. And if fortune is such that all relationships are healthy, why not figure out how to draw the circle closer in, through more authentic sharing of persons, dreams and values?

Part of the new birth this year has been sharing our values and spiritual beliefs. It would be truly sad if at the end of our lives, friends who thought they knew us well, expressed that they never witnessed those aspects of our persons.

Do I have a favorite season? I would like to say ‘No’, as I want to relish the uniqueness of each season. Though I’ll admit that I tolerate the heat much better than the cold. But as they say, it’s “all in the mind.” 😊

On the fun side, we bought new waterproof boots and snow shoes, as we are looking forward to traipsing through the winter land trails. Nature beckons, and fall and winter are truly lovely seasons.

What will make this Fall be a better one for you?

86,400

Do you recognize this number? It’s the result of multiplying three numbers that everyone, since their childhood days, are familiar with.

60 seconds x 60 minutes x 24 hours = 86,400 seconds. This number represents the day we wake up to, expecting a full day’s worth of wakeful activity plus the sleep time when we close our eyes that night.

Time is short. Let’s do a simple pen and paper exercise. If you like, you can consult your calendar, your journal, your social media postings, etc. Pick any recent past month. Write down your key moments and experiences during that month. After completing this, scan your list and writings. Highlight those moments and experiences that ‘strike/impact’ you. The realization slowly dawns on one, that key moments and experiences don’t occur in bunches. That sometimes, we fall prey to ‘sleep walking’ without full awareness. Now, we generally live our lives as though we had decades in front of us. A decade is only 120 months. And given our pen and paper exercise, doesn’t it now feel like we don’t have unlimited runway to live out our dreams, our passions, our aspirations?

Time is passing. Time is fleeting. That means it passes very quickly, and it doesn’t register. It’s like sand in an hourglass, the seconds drip non-stop, passing through our fingers. We fool ourselves. We use a motorized lawn mower thinking it ‘saves’ us time. We hire gardeners thinking it ‘buys’ us time. We multiplex and juggle several things, thinking we can ‘make up’ time. All these are illusions, time continues to pass. The paradox of aging is that when we were young, time seemed to drag. The days were so long. When we get older, the closer we get to the end, the faster it seems to come.

Remaining time is unknown. There are many who did not wake up this morning. There are many who will not go to sleep tonight. Nothing is certain. When we reminisce too much about the Past, we live there. When we plan and project too much about the Future, we live there. Breathe and live in the Present.

Time cannot be recovered. We lose things, and can regain (repurchase, rebuild, etc.) them. Time passed can never be regained. No one can turn the clock back.

We intellectually understand all the above. But whether this understanding wakens us up to live consciously is the first question. Let me plant the following imagery in our minds to raise our awareness:

Picture an hourglass as vividly as you can. In the morning, as one wakes up, there’s a huge heap of sand at the top, representing your waking hours for the day. Then, at various points in the day, picture the same hourglass but with proportionate sand left depending on time of day. Thus, mid day, perhaps there’s only 60% left. By late afternoon, there’s only 30% left. As you turn in for the night, there’s enough sand left for your usual bedtime cycle (e.g. reading, time to drop off to sleep).

The second question is how do we live the day, so that at the end of it, we can say, ‘Today was worth the living I put in and got out’? What will work for an individual depends on one’s personality, one’s desire and one’s current circumstances. Consider the following as provoking your own ideas and plans.

Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” outlined Habit 3, “Put First Things First”. Determine the big rocks and put them in the beaker first. Then, the small pebbles. Then the sand. Finally, the water. This approach packs the beaker the fullest with the set of materials. Change the sequence, and you get a less optimal packing. Determining the big rocks is best applied over a long time frame (be it for the year, months or weeks). Then, it breaks down to the various days. Say, I want to repair a relationship with someone close in 3-6 months time. I may then figure out a progressive set of out-reaches, and then plan that over the days to come. There will be obvious open slots as this effort is fluid and dynamic.

As retirees, on non-vacation days, it’s a mix of both planned and spontaneous activities. Our passions include hiking, exploring, reading. Spiritually, there’s praying, scripture and contemplation. Nurturing relationships and staying connected. Indulging in some entertainment.

Writing this surfaced something for us. Perhaps at the end of the day, we should have an explicit dialog with each other. Perhaps lead off with the question – What should we be grateful for today? Cultivating such an attitude cannot but lead to a better tomorrow.

Kicking Off A New Year, 2019

No, I am not going to talk about New Year resolutions. Not that they aren’t a good thing. Even though most do not check off 100% of their fine intentions come December 31, it’s an exercise that does help at some level. Kudos to those who preserve at this.

Rather, it’s reflecting how the arc of one’s life journey has been so far, and the progress towards one’s North Star(s). I will share two of such Stars.

Before getting to that, here’s my mechanism. I have created an xls that has tabs for each year. And in each tab, I outlined the core goals in my life, most of which are aligned to my North Stars. Some goals do reflect my human reality, e.g. centering on physical health. My goals stay fairly consistent year to year. What changes are the targets or milestones for that year.

If you journal a diary, then, consider scanning your writings/entries, and pulling out the key moments and experiences that you wish to build on for the New Year. You can always synthesize the micro into the macro, as there was an inner compass within you when you pulled out those key moments/experiences.

My first Star is my spiritual faith and discipleship. In 2018, I learnt that 100% Belief does not necessarily translate to 100% Trust, both being different sides of the Faith coin. And Trust is not just accepting that events occurred as God Willed or Allowed.

100% Trust means “I am ready to do whatever God asks of me.” 100% Trust means believing and sensing that God is always with me. 100% Trust means believing and accepting that God works all things together for my good.

Thus, in 2019, I will be working on that 100% Trust. It means looking at every moment, every event, every trigger, as an opportunity to discern what God asks of me, and to do it, with the conviction He is always with me and together, He and I can handle anything. A simple daily ‘get out of bed’ prayer is, “Lord, nothing will happen to me today that You and I together, cannot handle.”

My second Star centers on our adult children. It’s natural to de-emphasize parenting when adult children have left the nest and are living on their own. But we have experience, distance and  wisdom born from scars that actually place us in positions to discern and provide that parental guidance, even to our adult children. As we evaluated each child’s life stage and circumstances, we could easily identify that one aspect that we as parents could assist our child in their journey in 2019. What a privilege to be able to continue this journey with our children.

There’s much to look forward to in 2019. We have a Holy Land and second Camino pilgrimage planned. We are going to re-connect with family far away. We are enjoying the new friendships. A toast to all our readers, that we live and love more deeply in 2019.

the future