Category: Spirituality

Forgiveness

I had touched on this topic before. But after reading Jacques Philip’s “The Eight Doors of the Kingdom” Chapter 5, there’s greater insight.

Forgiveness sets us Free! Not forgiving keeps us trapped in the Past. Does anyone truly want to be “chained” to (unpleasant) events of long ago?

The author shared a story of meeting a wife who had been betrayed by her husband. He had cheated on her, damaging the bond of marital intimacy. Despite her suffering and pain, she knew she had to forgive her husband. She told the author, “I’ve read all the books on forgiveness but I’m just not getting there.”

The author identified the issues. Not forgiving her husband offered two great advantages/benefits.

Extracts from book:

‘First, she was the victim, the innocent saint, and he was the sinner. To forgive would require a lot of humility on her part. It would mean giving up her position of superiority and placing herself on the same level with him: both of them poor sinners, he sinning against her and she with her own faults, perhaps less obvious but just as real as his, yet remaining together, each of them embracing the other with his and her limitations.

Second, she had difficulty renouncing her authority over her husband that his wrongdoing gave her. As matters stood, she felt justified in reproaching him, keeping an eye on him, and exercising a hold on him. Forgiveness would mean renouncing all that control and power. But although painful, in the end it is a source of peace and happiness, a way of freedom.’

End of extracts.

The wife, when counseled on this, was able to forgive and forge a renewed relationship with her husband!

What a gift to be able to internalize all the above. Jacques used a memorable phrase, ‘Getting out of the tit-for-tat mentality’. Applying the logic of reciprocity of exchange to every human interaction is a recipe for disharmony. Don’t keep an inventory of mental chits, of IOUs that one expects or demands of others, be it for (perceived) wrongs/injustices done, or services not reciprocated. Practice free giving, free loving.

This is one of those topics that should be required high school reading and discussion. Society will reap a tremendous harvest.

Meekness

This event occurred 3 days ago on April 17. It took a couple of days of reflection which aligned with some spiritual reading.

Consider the following. You are an experienced driver and have relocated temporarily to a new country for career reasons. You need to re-certify and re-test your driving skills. The authorities in the new country have an oral test as part of their certification process.

The scenario is that you are driving at the legal speed limit along a two lane country road. As you crest the top of the hill, and descend down the road, you spot two bicyclists riding side by side, occupying the entire lane you are in, as they cycle in the direction you are driving towards. The cyclists are clearly not following the laws in how they are riding. They are about 700 meters ahead of you.

The tester asks – What would you do as the driver? By the way, the roads are wet and there’s a slight drizzle/rain at this moment.

Let’s switch roles in this scenario. You are now a hiker walking alongside this country road. You can clearly see a possible bad situation developing.

You observe the driver of the vehicle does not slow down at all, as the brake lights are not illuminated. And never will be. In fact, the driver maintains the vehicle speed and comes up behind the cyclist. The driver horns loudly, the cyclists are startled and quickly get into single file to the side of the road. The driver overtakes, but does NOT move fully into mythe other lane despite there being no on-coming traffic.

As a Christian, as any normal person, it’s very difficult not to be judgmental about the driver in this scenario.

There were many options. The driver could have alerted the cyclists by horning way in advance. The driver could have slowed down. The driver could have driven fully on the other lane when over taking.

Perhaps the driver was very annoyed at the cyclists for not adhering to the laws of the road. Perhaps the irritation was compounded by some emotional disturbance earlier that’s totally un-related. Perhaps the driver wanted to convey a lesson in road rules and safety.

Perhaps………

I am reading Jacques Philip’s “The Eight Doors of the Kingdom”. It’s about the Beatitudes. In particular, the third Beatitude says, “Blessed are the Meek for they shall inherit the Earth”.

Jacques highlighted that Psalm 37 invites us not to let the wrong doing, the injustices, the evil, etc. invade and infest our hearts with impurities – resentment, anger, condemnation, etc. – else, we too become accomplices of that we detest.

How does this relate to the driving scenario?

Consider the driver as a lost or mis-guided soul, who on current trajectory, may also be hurting those closest to him/her. The rush to judge a person’s character (vs a one-off action or behavior) is now replaced by Compassion, if we seek to cultivate Meekness.

Meekness does not imply one does not stand up against wrong doing, injustice, evil, etc. Rather, stand up but guard one’s heart.

Meekness is Kindness, Tenderness and Benevolence.

Closing the distance

April 17, 2019. Wednesday of Holy Week.

This Lenten reflection was actually Tuesday’s but we read it today.

Most are familiar with Saint Peter’s three times denial of knowing Jesus, when latter was apprehended by the Sanhedrin. Three different persons pointed out that Peter was one of Jesus’ followers and disciples, and on all three occasions, Peter denied it. On the third denial, the cock crowed and Jesus turned and looked at Peter.

How often do I choose to follow at a distance? How often do I choose to follow when it’s convenient and there’s no personal risk or hardship?

Yet, when Jesus turned and looked at Peter, it wasn’t with accusatory eyes, but with love and forgiveness. Jesus closed the distance.

How great and unfathomable is the love and mercy of our Lord.

Being in someone’s shoes

April 17, 2019.

Following occurred to me during our Camino Frances. I decided the category for this post will be different as I want to touch on this topic in somewhat depth.

Most of us who drive have a destination in mind when we are driving. Getting to said destination is the objective. If we own vehicles, we may opt for a more premium vehicle, so that it is a more comfortable drive with various auto-cruise and safety features, so that we arrive safely and in a relaxed state. If we are driving on country roads, we will likely pay attention to the road conditions a bit more.

As a Camino pilgrim, there were a handful of occasions when we had to walk many km along country roads. If you have experienced this, you know how different the slip stream and noise is from vehicles traveling past at 30 mph to 50 mph. There’s a reason why speed limits in American school zones are 20 mph.

I had seen a vehicle which I estimated was probably traveling at about 40-45 mph along this country road. It did not even brake nor slow down when passing fellow pilgrims walking ahead of us.

That driver was so cocooned in his/her vehicle that he/she was totally de-sensitized to the effects being felt by walking pedestrians by the speed of their vehicle.

Are we sometimes cocooned in our jobs, in our positional status, in our wealth class, in our educational superiority, etc that we don’t really sense how others around us are being affected? Or even care?

If we ourselves have been subject to this ‘slip stream/noise’ by those ‘above’ us in life, does that increase our empathy for others?

Life can be all about me. Or it can mean much more.

Selective Listening?

Today’s Lenten meditation makes it easy for all Christians to forgive. Will we listen?

“The three stages of forgiveness. I don’t deny what the person did, or pretend it wasn’t wrong. But …

1. Instead of identifying the person totally with whatever they did to hurt me, I begin to see them as a person like me – imperfect, but still someone God LOVES.

2. I give up my ‘right’ to get even. Vengeful thoughts don’t make the other person suffer. They hurt me. So, I just plain rinse my mind of those kinds of thoughts.

3. I stand next to the LORD and together WITH HIM, look at the other person. For sure, Jesus wants good things to happen to them. So, with the Lord’s help (and some struggle), I begin to look at the other person the way the Lord does.

Take 10 seconds to think of someone you find hard to forgive.”

I love Step 3. It can be applied to many of life’s events. Standing next to Jesus, asking what He would do, and following.

On Ash Wednesday, my Parish held a 24 hours Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. I had signed up for 2 hours on Tuesday, from Wednesday midnight to Thursday 2am. As this was the first time I was participating in this, I searched the Internet and found much useful resources. In a standard one hour, it was suggested that 15 mins be allocated to Adoration/Praise, Self-Examination, Intentions & Supplication. In addition, just being with Jesus and stilling oneself to listen.

This experience enriched me tremendously. And as I left, a lady was praying with her baby in the cradle. One can only be humbled, witnessing such faith. And hopefully, be motivated.

I reached home and went to bed. And I had a fitful sleep. Not because of dreams per se, but I woke up shivering in between the sleep periods. Could it because of the slight snow falls overnight even though the thermostat remained at the same settings for months? Could it be that I had noticed two cars parked in the spots where the Parish had reserved for the homeless (they were using the Parish parking lots overnight for safe parking). Should I attribute the shivering to the cold, the subconscious or to God ‘speaking’ to me?

It’s good that I love mystery novels, growing up on Agatha Christie’s. There’s much listening and discernment ahead.

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday is the first day of Lent, a season where Christians pray, fast and give alms. Ash on the forehead helps us “Remember that you are dust and to dust, you shall return.”

I was struck by a meditation this morning, to imagine that this Lenten journey is as if I was going up to the space station. I have a mission to perform during my time in the space station. The range of daily activities are limited (no retail therapy, no mindless screen watching). The choice of nutrition is limited, and thus, appetites do not roam large and free. There is plenty of distraction-free time for contemplation and prayer, for the inner self, the spirit and soul. The view from the space station is spectacular. One cannot help but ponder on one’s life/purpose in the broad sweep of the beauty and majesty of God’s creation.

Let me pause and re-read what I just wrote. Corralling one’s appetite is a good thing, health-wise and discipline-wise. Fasting also helps one empathize with the hungry. Which of the two is more needed in my current Lenten journey?

Distraction-free time. What a novel concept. When children play, that’s distraction-free time. Their entire focus, energy and attention is in their play. Drinking coffee while driving or walking is fairly common among Americans. The French culture is such that people sit and drink their coffee. They will converse with their companions or people-watch as they sip their coffee. Which would be a more intrinsically rewarding experience? With this realization, it was easy to decide to disconnect totally from Social Media during Lent. The immediate benefits are time saved, freedom and inner peace to channel one’s thoughts and focus. Not to be distracted by Social Media chatter that can linger past their expiry dates in one’s mind. In addition, to really be present in the moment at hand.

Right now, for me, praying and spiritual reading go hand in hand. It’s like the Yin and Yang. The spiritual reading lends new spiritual insights, which in turn, leads to prayers that supplement those memorized. To illustrate, I recently completed Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God. Since Bro Lawrence took 4 years to achieve this state of presence, I will probably have to learn to crawl and just cultivate a discipline of conversing with God multiple times and throughout the day. And seeking more of His Presence.

Everyone’s Lenten journey and focus will be different and unique to said individual’s need. It’s easy to regard this year’s Lenten journey in isolation, but it’s really connected to a string of previous Lenten journeys. Thus, the sacrifices may be the same if one continues to struggle in that area. On the other hand, the Lenten focus may be progressively building on what was achieved and experienced in previous years.

There is no success or failure with a Lenten journey. It’s a journey.